Who He Really Is
by batfan01
Summary: A little insight into Grissom from the person who knows him best.


Don't own 'em, don't profit off 'em so don't sue me over 'em, okay?

No one knows him better than me. Maybe that's why it's hard to watch him now and see what became of the boy I raised.

My son does not have the life most parents would wish for their child.

'This is where I work, mom.' He signs proudly, a smile beaming on his face as we walk into the building. He smiles at the people we pass in the hallways too and it looks as if he doesn't do it often. They looked stunned.

I wrote two weeks ago that I wanted to come and visit. He said he would come and that he was sorry he hadn't made the time recently. But I understood. 

_I want to come and see you, see this place that has you so captivated._

That summed it up in my next letter and I made the arrangements. Now I'm here after sleeping at the bug museum he calls a home. Bugs and science, it's more of a lab away from the lab. He has no pictures, nothing to warm it. 

I'm worried but I'm not, if that makes any sense.

We come to a hallway filled with glass rooms for the most part and he shows me to an office, the steel door has his name on it. Most parents would be worried, between the insects at home and the various preserved entities in his office. But this is Gil, always has been. 

He laughs and points to the pig, 'Nicky calls it Ms. Piggy.' 

'Who's Nicky?' I sign.

He picks up what I mean quickly, 'you'll meet _him _in a second.'

Standing at his desk, I watch him go over some papers. He shakes his head. The look on his face, sans a few crows feet and some grey hair, is that of the boy who would look at the dead dogs that had been hit on the side of the highway.

Then he turns and smiles at me, like I didn't notice. Sometimes, I swear, that boy thinks I'm blind instead of deaf.

We go back down the same hall, past an office which is vibrating rather loudly and a boy in a lab coat who seems to be vibrating right along with it. Gil leans in and yells at him before going in and turning down the dial on the stereo. The boy stops dancing and looks sheepishly at Gil.

The boy looks at me and says something to Gil. Both from his scowl and how is lips are moving, I discern that he's scolding the boy for being nosey. 

'You shouldn't call your coworkers _pains in the ass_.' I sign to him.

The role's reversed and it's his turn to look sheepish. 

'Sorry mom.' He signs quickly.

We step into a room just up and across from the boy's lab and I take in every figure there. I instantly pick out the blonde woman as a mother from the way she stands talking to the handsome, dark haired boy. He's the playboy, judging by his dimples.

Then there's the darker boy, also very handsome, smiling at the woman as she speaks sternly. 

Sitting on the couch, seemingly secluded from the rest of the group as she reads her forensics magazine, is the dark haired woman. Very pretty and…very appealing to my son, from the quick look he gives to her.

We come in and Gil closes the door as the others turn around to look at us. They all seem very curious as he speaks to them, motioning to me.

I catch 'my mother' and 'meet her' as he talks. He's excited and talking a little fast. That also means he's nervous. 

He was talking to me in the car as we drove here, keeping a perfect side profile and steady pace so I would understand him flawlessly. "These people are more than just my coworkers, mom, they're my friends. We eat together, work together on cases that strain emotionally and…bind us together." He laughed, "we usually have a birthday party every year for Lindsey. I got her an entomology kit last year and a…a chem. set the year before."

He was smiling so deeply. "Not a chemistry set like…"I asked cautiously.

"Just like the one," he said proudly.

The darker boy starts towards me first and offers a hand as he introduces himself. I don't quite catch the name but I shake his hand and say hello before turning to look at Gil. He sings each letter individually.

"Hello, Warrick." I say after Gil and I turn back to look at him. 

Everyone seems a little stunned and a little like something has just been cleared up.

The blonde asks if I'm hearing impaired. Gil explains the disease to them all, explains signing and that I can also read lips.

Just underneath their understanding is something that worries them all. It bothers me as they all step up to introduce themselves.

Nick stokes is the cute one. Catherine Willows, the motherly blonde. And Sarah Sidle is the girl who most keenly holds his interest.

I would have liked to talk with them all but Gil goes into a sort of boss mode, something I'm not familiar with. He talks steadily and hands out two files, one for the boys and one for the girls.

"What do you plan on doing, Grissom?" Nick asks.

"Staying in-house for the day, Nicky. Gonna show mom some of the more interesting aspects of the job."

The way he says it, the grin shining through his close kept beard and the looks on their faces show that they've never seen him say or act even remotely like he just did.

"You can call if you need me."

He turns and leaves without allowing further question. I give a little wave and exit behind him.

He's really excited now, leading me to another door though it has no sign to mark the rooms purpose. I understand fairly quickly what he's about to do. He doesn't need to explain the case as he fills the dummy with blood from a refrigerator and produces a knife.

I take safety goggles and an apron from the wall just as Gil does and stand back as he 'murders' the dummy. I can't keep from smiling as he pours over the wound and the blood spray on the sheet behind him, like he's taking it so seriously.

We go through a few more simulations with his dummy friend, check in on the dancing lab boy again and then go back to his office where he apologizes.

'Got some paperwork to do, mom.' He signs, pointing to the stack.

'Not a problem, sweetheart.'

I watch him as he signs things and looks at things with a raised eyebrow before he puts them off to the side without a signature.

I look around the room again before asking, "who's Sarah Sidle?" I ask to get his attention up from his papers.

He looks back down for a second and takes off his glasses. 'She's a former pupil and my gifted CSI,' he answers in sign, looking back up at me.

I raise a brow, I don't even need to sign it out clearly for him.

He cocks his head to the side slightly in a move of exasperation. 'It's nothing, mom.'

I look at him for a moment. 'Why isn't it something?'

He raises his hands before dropping them to his sides again. 'For so many reasons,' he signs with a scowl, 'she's younger, I'm her boss, she might not even…even if I…'

He tries to sign it out but his hands stay frozen.

I give him a comforting look. 'No matter what you think, there is more to life than bugs and science.'

He looks down as he signs, 'I'm well aware.'

After a while he finally looks up at me.

'If you'd just let that good heart of yours shine through every once in a while…'

He nods and eventually goes back to his paperwork.

In a little while, he gets up and stretches. 'Coffee?"

I nod and get up to follow him. He looks at his watch as we walk and signs, 'two-thirty, are you going to make it through the shift?'

I give him a playful jab in the arm, 'don't go thinking you're so young, mister I'll-be 48-this-August.'

He smiles as we enter what he signs me is the break room. His CSI's are back, or the women are, anyway. He asks for updates.

"Kid was on drugs, took a dive off the cliff." Catherine says sadly. Gil nods and takes the file from her. I see the sadness as he reads the report, the anger.

He closes the file and signs quickly for me to sit before he leaves. I do sit but look questioningly at Catherine.

"Where's he going?" I ask, hoping my voice isn't too loud or too soft. She pauses for a moment. "It's alright," I say, "I can read lips, sweetheart."

She smiles and nods. "He's just going to throw the book at a drug dealer."

"You can't…throw the book?" I ask, laughing.

She sits back and laughs too, "It's a…a Grissom thing."

"A Grissom thing?"

Sarah steps up behind the couch where Catherine is seated. She doesn't hesitate as she speaks, keeps a steady tone and level face just like Gil. "Guys who deal drugs to kids really bother him. He has a tendency to take those cases and come down harder on the guys."

Catherine nods as I digest the information. "I imagine he sees it a great deal in this line of work."

Both women nod. "Did he see it a great deal at his coroners position in L.A.?" Catherine asks. Sarah looks at me, obviously interested in learning more about Gil.

"Gil would never talk about it but, with all the news stories about drugs and kids, he would've had to have worked on many children."

They both nodded. "That would explain it," Sarah says.

He comes back in and goes straight for the coffee maker. I can tell how angry he is from the way his shoulders are bunched. He hands me a coffee and opens another file, which is promptly handed to Catherine. I can't understand what he's saying from where I'm sitting. I'm not certain he wants me to understand.

Regardless, Sarah and Catherine get to go and Gil sits where Catherine was. He looks down at his coffee before setting it down to sign.

'I don't get people, mom.'

I nod, 'was he just a baby?'

'Not even 12.' He shakes his head.

He's quiet, so to speak, for the rest of the night. It really was affecting him. A few hours later, something happens that doesn't help his mood. 

The man was scruffy, dressed in a manner that didn't fit in the office. He stormed past the glass of Gil's office and he looked up before quickly rising to go to the door. I follow, though I'm certain I'm not supposed to.

Gil runs down the hall, past the lab where I see Sarah watching him run by. He disappears into a door and Catherine comes out shortly after. It's the mother in me that wrapped an arm around her shoulders as we walked towards the break room. She was trying not to cry as she looked back at something. I presume it was Gil yelling. 

Sarah was on the phone when we walked past the lab.

I sat with Catherine, now partially calmed. She thanked me. I shook my head.

'He's just like you.' She smiled.

We looked through the glass as Gil 'escorted' the man to a few men in blue uniforms. His jaw clenched, he said a few choice words to the man before he leaned against the break room door.

Catherine looked at me, "Ex."

I nodded, "I've been there."

She tilted her head slightly.

"Gil's father was no saint. We divorced when he was just a boy, I wasn't about to put my son through any of that."

She shook her head and looked out the glass where Gil leaned. I couldn't tell what she said just then.

"It's probably why he just did what he did."

Looking back to me, she said, "He gets emotional with…abuse cases as well."

I nodded as Sarah came out of the office and said something to Gil. He shook his head and opened the door.

"Are you alright, Catherine?" The concern on his face was as clear as the anger. 

She smiled up at him and nodded. "Thanks, Gil."

He signed an apology and I returned that it wasn't him who should be apologizing. With slumped shoulders, he went back out, down the hall.

Sarah stepped in after a quick glance after him and looked at Catherine. She flashed the same smile to her as she had done for Gil.

Warrick and Nick stepped into view through door. "Did I just see Eddie being escorted outt'a here?" Warrick asked

Catherine shook her head and, I'm sure, groaned.

As Warrick stepped closer to her, Nick looked at me pointedly. "Can I speak to you, Ms. Grissom?"

He led me to another room and hastily closed the door. He leaned against it and looked uncomfortable for a moment before he started to talk, slowly I might add. As he did so, the concern for his boss was evident. The Graveyard shift had discussed it and agreed. Something was wrong with Gil.

"It's only every once in a while…but everyone's starting to notice it and we don't…we don't know how to ask." He was sad and his eyes broadcast the feeling all to well.

"I will, thank you for telling me this."

He nodded and scooted out the door as quickly as he'd come in, stopping to hold it open for me.

When we got back to the break room it appeared that Warrick had cleared the air by teasing Gil about being a momma's boy. Nick laughed as he cracked another joke.

In attempt to escape the roast, Gil looked at his watch and then to me. "Who's up for breakfast?"

Everyone began to talk then. As they did so, Gil came closer to me and began to sign. 'It's a ritual among us. After shift, we usually go and have breakfast together.' He looked over his shoulder at the gathering. 'They would like you to join us.'

I smiled and as he moved his hands, watched Sarah stare intently at him.

I learned a great deal about my son that morning but I think the people he works with learned more than I.

"Ew! He did what?" Warrick was mangling his face as I repeated it.

"When he was ten, he told me crickets were crunchier than the chicken we were having."

The table erupted. Nick patted Warrick on the back as he laughed. "That's wrong…"

Gil was smiling but staring at the table. 

"Wait, wait, wait. There's something I gotta know." Catherine said as she leaned forward, "What exactly happened with that little chemistry set?"

I began to speak and noticed everyone lean in. It wasn't until I looked up at Gil that I realized it wasn't simply out of intent. He looked at me and lightly tapped his ear. I began to talk louder until he nodded.

"…The firemen said that they weren't exactly certain what had happened but there appeared to be a large, bubbling hole in the basement…"

Warrick, Nick and Catherine began to grin. Sarah, however, had noticed the miniscule exchange between Gil and I. She looked at him with a small, warm smile. 

He smiled slightly before looking down at the table again.

"…He blamed the inaccuracy of the scale…I grounded him for two weeks."

Nick and Warrick were back to clutching their sides as Catherine covered her mouth, her eyes wide.

Sarah leaned over to me and asked, "May I ask when you lost your hearing, Ms.Grissom?"

I nodded, "Almost forty years ago."

She seemed stunned. "That's amazing, you…you deal with it remarkably well." She seemed cautious about saying 'deal with' but I smiled.

Everyone was listening now.

"After so long, it becomes a part of your life. It becomes normal."

Nick looked at Grissom. "That would'a made you…eight…Grissom?"

Gil looked up, all evidence of a smile gone from his face as he nodded. 

A small silence fell as the group looked at their supervisor.

"How'd you deal, man?" Warrick asked, seemingly cautious.

Gil looked up, his jaw clenched slightly. 

"Like you would expect Gil Grissom to, he learned sign and he moved on." I said, smiling at him. He gave me a small smile in return as everyone nodded.

"Must've been hard, learning that young." Sarah said, looking at him.

He shook his head and sipped his coffee, "simple…once you get the hang of it."

Before the cheque came, I had the chance to tell a few more of Gil's more interesting stories. But, eventually, the wear of the night began to show and they split up for the day.

On the drive home, he thanked me for coming. "I missed you mom."

"I know, sweetheart. It's good to see you again too.

I hope I didn't embarrass you too much."

He smiled, crinkling his beard. "I consider those stories badges of honor in the field of science."

I returned the smile. "I wasn't talking about those stories."

"I'm not embarrassed about it, mom. I've _never_ been embarrassed about it." He said it quickly and with a frown.

"…Then why won't you talk to them about how the disease is starting to effect you?"

His beard bristled as he clenched his jaw again.

"It's not something they need to know."

"They're your friends, Gil."

"And I don't want them to worry, mom."

I reached over and put a hand on his arm. "They already do. Leaving them in the dark won't fix that."

He didn't reply immediately and when he did, it was slow and cautious. "I'm…I'm scheduled for surgery in a month. There's no guarantee it'll work but…"

I squeezed his arm. "That's good, that's great."

"I can't live my life without my hearing mom-." He flashed his eyes over to me quickly from the road, an anxious look on his face.

"Sweetheart, never feel guilty, never."

No, I'm not worried about him. Although, he does have more than a few problems, he is the man I suspected would come of the boy. As kind and sensitive as when he was eight and he picked up the sign language book at the library. As passionate and angry as when his father left.

I'm not surprised, I'm happy for him. I'm happier that he's striving towards extracting himself from this wall he's built around himself.

I have no idea where this came from, just the need to write a little Grissom.


End file.
